


Hated

by xXdark_passengerXx



Series: birthdays with shizaya [2]
Category: Durarara!!
Genre: Angst I guess, Established Relationship, M/M, Shizaya - Freeform, izaya gets hurt on his birthday again, izayas birthday, shizuo tries giving izaya a good birthday, somebodys after izaya
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-04
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:26:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24006571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xXdark_passengerXx/pseuds/xXdark_passengerXx
Summary: ❝who knew you'd be hated for being who you areand be a big target for all the insecure?❞--"Just wait 'til Shizu-chan gets you." Not only could he not move his limbs anymore, he could barely feel the ground underneath him. He kept his glower, even though it pained him to stare so intensely. "You'll regret it a thousand times over."The person stepped forward, their hand raised, but that was all he saw. His vision may have been gone, but he still had his hearing. He knew what was coming next.
Relationships: Heiwajima Shizuo/Orihara Izaya
Series: birthdays with shizaya [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1731421
Comments: 7
Kudos: 62





	Hated

  
"So it's come to this," Izaya whispered, unable to say anything else. There was blood dripping from his mouth, and more threatening to come out if he were to speak any louder, to move a limb. Despite his efforts to remain as still as possible, he coughed and stared at the new crimson coating the floor.

He looked up, his glare unwavering as he tried clenching his fists, only for pain to shoot up his veins. He could barely feel his fingers at this point, but that didn't stop him from trying to move them. He couldn't fathom the idea of not being in control, let alone of his body.

"Do it, I dare you," he threatened, his teeth clenched as he tried suppressing his pain. "In the end, it doesn't matter who you are. He'll come for you."

The person standing above him said nothing, just a small grin on their face, and he felt the anger run through him all over again. He felt his conscious slowly slip away, his vision fading, but he refused to stop talking, not when it mattered the most. He was going to make sure they felt terrified of just breathing on the streets unguarded.

"Just wait 'til Shizu-chan gets you." Not only could he not move his limbs anymore, he could barely feel the ground underneath him. He kept his glower, even though it pained him to stare so intensely. "You'll regret it a thousand times over."

The person stepped forward, their hand raised, but that was all he saw. His vision may have been gone, but he still had his hearing. He knew what was coming next.

—

"Get out!" Shizuo yelled, picking the raven up from his forearm, the latter's feet barely touching the ground. "I told you, I don't want you in the house until later tonight."

"Aw, but Shizu-chan!" Izaya whined, clinging onto his boyfriend as the other tried leaving him behind the apartment's door. "When I said not to make a big deal of this, I didn't mean to pretend I didn't exist!"

Shizuo gave an aggravated sigh, the tension clear on his face with the crease between his eyebrows. "It's just a few more hours. Go watch your humans or something."

A sly smile worked its way up to Izaya's lips. "So, you're giving me permission to—"

"To watch," Shizuo interrupted, dropping Izaya onto the ground. Izaya gracefully landed a few feet away, unperturbed by the rough gesture. "All you're gonna do is watch."

"Shizu-chan—"

"I can't believe you've never had a birthday cake," Shizuo exclaimed quietly, disbelief in his eyes as he shook his head.

"I don't like the taste, and you baking a sweet isn't going to make me like it, so you can just— Hey!"

Shizuo had slammed the door shut, closing Izaya off from his apartment. Granted, Izaya could've just pick-locked his way back in or used the spare key Shizuo was too dumb to take back, but, in the end, he just walked away. Izaya would humour him for a bit; it would be fun to see how much of a disaster that monster would make of the kitchen.

He walked down the streets of Ikeburuko idly, eyes on his bustling humans as they carried on with their afternoon. As much as he loved them, he wished he could have observed them some other day; today was the one day he didn't want to get out of bed— well, he had actually been feeling a bit off for the past two days, and he knew the feeling wasn't going to go away at least until the end of the week.

His birthday was tomorrow, but he didn't understand why it was so important to people. Izaya liked to believe he was indifferent to birthdays, but he knew better than to lie to himself when the evidence of everything suggested otherwise. If he truly didn't care, he wouldn't be getting the aching feeling in his chest.

It started with his parents. Once he got used to their negligence, it moved onto his sisters, who didn't know any better. Shinra was next; he barely made an effort to be friends, so he wouldn't waste his time to get a gift or anything like that.

If it were so important, why would so many people disregard it so easily? Because of that, he came to the conclusion that it wasn't all that significant.

Besides, are they really going to celebrate him getting closer to death? He was older, and the crease on his forehead when he raised his eyebrows, although extremely faint, was getting harder to ignore. It didn't matter if he smiled or not, the line was still starting to show. He didn't like it.

Shizuo didn't understand. All his life, he celebrated everything; birthdays, report cards, Christmas, driver's licence— anything that could've been worth giving a smile to. His childhood was mostly spent in hospitals, so his parents made it a point to try and give their kids as much happiness as they could. He didn't understand.

So when Shizuo found out that he hadn't celebrated his birthday once, he kicked him out of his apartment. It was to prepare, Shizuo had said. _It was going to be a surprise._

After losing the argument— out of brute force than actual logic— he decided to see what was so special about the day he was born. Deep in his mind, he wanted Shizuo to surprise him, to give a memory of his childhood that he never had.

"Dota-chin!" Izaya called out when he spotted the van gang. The otakus waved and he gave them a big smile, one he wasn't too sure of its meaning anymore. It didn't feel any more real than it did any other day.

"Izaya!" Erika cheered, immediately standing up. Before she could tackle him, Walker restrained her as he sat her back down on the van's seat.

"What are you doing here?" Kadota asked after giving a nod in acknowledgement. Izaya felt bitter about Kadota at times; sometimes, he gave off the feeling that he didn't want Izaya around. While Izaya understood, it kind of gave him a bad ache in his chest, but he always ignored it.

"What, want to get rid of me so soon?" Izaya laughed at Kadota's lack of reaction. "I just came by to say hello. Shizu-chan kicked me out for the day, so I have to fend for myself on these dangerous streets."

"You'll be fine." Maybe it was the fact that Kadota just didn't care, or maybe it was that he hadn't bothered to look his way, instead choosing to help Togusa out with the tire work that they were doing; whatever it was, Izaya hated the feeling. It might've been because he actually felt as if Kadota were his friend, and for the longest of time, he felt as if Kadota had his back. He eventually learnt that he was only tolerating him, just trying to get through school and now life.

"The amount of worry you have for me is overwhelming," Izaya commented in his usual voice, refusing to let the ache he felt be shown through his voice.

"Oh!" Erika called out, causing Togusa to flinch and nearly mess everything up. "Happy-almost-birthday!"

Izaya blinked, surprised that she knew. There was barely a handful of people who knew of his birthday, so he wondered who had told her. It could've been Shinra, but Izaya doubted he remembered; Kadota probably never knew; the twins wouldn't bother telling people; that only left him with Shizuo.

"Thank you, Erika!" He grinned at her. "It was Shizu-chan, wasn't it?"

"We caught him buying cake mix and balloons," Walker explained before getting a slap on the back from Erika.

"It was supposed to be a surprise!"

"I'm sure he knew!"

Izaya slowly backed away from the scene, no longer in the mood the tease them. Kadota still hadn't looked up, not even to wish him in any way. Izaya didn't care, he didn't, but he wondered what it was like to have someone smile as they wished him, to say they were happy that he was alive.

No matter, he thought, shrugging off the thought as he skipped his way towards Russia Sushi. He loved all his humans equally, they didn't have to love him; Kadota was no exception.

"Izaya!"

Izaya gave a genuine smile up at the seven-foot figure. If there were one man Izaya thought that actually felt some care for him, it would've been Simon. He was the reason Izaya learnt Russian, and Izaya always felt like the man had some concern for his wellbeing. He actually tried to keep Izaya out of trouble because he cared for the raven. Izaya wasn't too sure if it were just wishful thinking, but he made sure to never dwell on the thought for too long.

"Simon," Izaya greeted, hands in his pockets as the man stopped handing out flyers. "Any plans yet?"

"Hm?"

"For your birthday, of course!" Izaya was surprised when he first found out; Simon's birthday was only a day after his, and maybe that was another reason why he felt a bit closer to the man.

Simon laughed, waving his hand in the air as if to dismiss the idea. "I old, I not make plan, but you," Simon gave him a flyer, "You get sushi with discount. Sushi good, celebrate good with good!"

"Thanks, Simon." Without another word, Izaya walked in, feeling his mood brighten up at the lively place. He didn't care all that much about the discount, but it was the closest thing to a gift he had gotten; it made the ache lessen by a bit.

After Izaya ordered and sat in a booth, he took out his phone, dialling in Shizuo's number to bug him a bit. Bothering Shizuo was his favourite pastime; it never failed to brighten his spirits.

"Hi, Shizu-chan, can I come home now?" Izaya asked, his tone seeming anything but sincere, but he knew Shizuo would be able to see between the lines. For a moment, he froze at his own words; was Shizuo's apartment really home to him? No, it was just the slip of his tongue. His home was with his humans.

_"The one time I tell you to go into the city—"_

"You should know by now that I only do the opposite of what you say," he drawled, his pitch high but true. "Besides, I was actually going to sleep in today. I've been pulling all-nighters for days because of my work, you know that."

 _"Then get a better job, louse,"_ Shizuo cursed on the line. Izaya felt the corners of his lips twitch up at the annoyance seeping through his words. _"And we both know that you_ _wouldn't have slept."_

"Well, now I guess we'll never know, and it's all thanks to you, you brute." Izaya took a bit of his food, feeling his appetite come back to him.

" _Just stay out of trouble."_

Izaya sighed at the dial tone, shutting his phone off before he solely focused on his food. Might as well make sure one thing wasn't complete crappy about today.

He was walking down the streets when a sleek, black car pulled up. At first, he thought it was Shiki, but when the windows rolled down, he felt himself relax considerably.

"Kasuka." Izaya stopped walking once the car came to a full stop. "And may I ask why you took the time out of your day to speak with me?"

"Shizuo's been excited," he spoke. It was hard for Izaya to see his reaction since his eyes were obscured by the black shades that were thrown on his face. "Something about a special day tomorrow."

Shizuo really needed to know how to keep control of his emotions.

"He finds a reason to make every day special," Izaya continued, refusing to let his annoyance seep through. He would deal with Shizuo later. "Tomorrow's different."

"I have a gift for you. I'll be by later to give it."

Izaya gave a forced smile, feeling some unease settle in his stomach. "I wonder, is it a gift of obligation or of genuine interest?"

Kasuka said nothing as he rolled up his windows, the car leaving as fast as it got here. Izaya watched them drive off, stuck in his spot. He was suddenly aware of the weight of all his limbs.

He sat in a nearby park, watching the little kids push each other down so they could get a turn on the swing. Typical; they would grow up to be just like their parents and the rest of his humans.

His sisters must've seen him wander in because within half a minute, they were both sitting on either side of him, a wide smile on Mauri's face. Kururi may not have been as obvious, but he could see the same feelings in her eyes.

"And here I thought my day was going so well." He sighed, refusing to look at the younger girls in any other way than his peripheral vision.

"That's rude!" Mairu screeched, her hands latching onto his sleeve. "We came all this way to wish you."

"Wish me?" His tone quirked in a way of curiosity. They were planning something, and that usually involved Kasuka. He knew that for a fact.

"Happy early birthday!" Mairu screamed into his ear, but he didn't flinch, having already been so used to these kinds of antics. "We also have a small favour to ask."

Izaya stood up slowly, his sisters carefully keeping an eye on him lest he decided to dash off. They all knew the twins wouldn't be able to catch up.

"Go ask Shizuo directly," he suggested as he began his walk out of the park, his sisters following. "Neither one of those two would listen to me."

"But you see—"

Kururi tugged on her sister's arm, interrupting the latter from her begging. Mairu pouted before giving off a loud groan, stomping her foot on the ground out of frustration.

"We haven't even said what we wanted yet!" she whined, watching her brother drift away. "We just wanted one day to torture you."

Izaya stopped, glancing behind him as he took in his sisters. They seemed sincere; he knew they cared in their own way at times. If not him, who would understand them?

"Shizuo's got me busy all day tomorrow. Drop by the day after."

Neither Orihara said anything as the oldest walked away from the scene, his mind reeling back to their conversation. Maybe miracles really did happen, or maybe they came to some kind of epiphany and realized what life was about. He wasn't too sure, he just knew the feeling he had in his stomach lightened up the slightest bit.

—

He was having some trouble staying out of Shizuo's apartment. He wandered the same streets ten times within an hour, and he was growing bored. If only Shiuzo told him to stay out of the city, he would've had so much to do; defying Shizuo was what was so fun. Besides, his humans were nothing above mediocre today; it was a slow day.

It seemed like Shinra heard his boredom from blocks away, for he was the one Izaya ran into next.

It was near a convenience store. Izaya wondered if he should go in and buy Shizuo's favourite cigarettes. He was still mad at the blond, so he wouldn't have gotten the cigarettes as a gift; he would've either set fire to them all at once or throw it out the window. Anything to get Shizuo mad.

That was when he heard Shinra's voice, Celty following behind reluctantly. Shinra used to be more like a friend around him years ago, when they still knew each other; now it felt less like meeting up with an old friend. It wasn't nostalgic; it was like speaking to a stranger, one he only thought he knew.

"Fancy seeing you here, Shinra," he greeted, giving a smile to Celty who only shook her head, making sure to keep her distance from him.

"I was just wondering, Izaya," Shinra started off, and although he wore a smile on his face, his eyes were full of mischief. Izaya felt close to Shinra because he had thought the doctor understood; it was all just in his mind, apparently. "If you were to celebrate your birthday with someone you care for or spend it like every other year, what would you choose?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Izaya asked, feeling like he was being demeaned by Shinra in the worst possible way. He didn't want to know what Shinra meant.

"You've never spent your birthday with someone else before," he taunted. Izaya's eyes glanced behind him at Celty, who was a bit far— far enough to be unaware of what was happening. "That's because you never thought anybody cared. Tell me, what's changed?"

Izaya gave an obviously fake smile, his smile big enough for Shinra to see just how annoyed he was with him. "Life's all about change. How are you supposed to go on any other way?"

"True," Shinra agreed, adjusting his glasses. "There's no reason for you to believe Shizuo cares, right? After all, he spent a decade trying to kill you. Why would he suddenly love you?"

Every word struck Izaya's heart, but he realized that this was how it had always been. Shinra was so curious about his mind, always wondering what it would take to tear and break it down. Izaya never gave any hints whenever his words did something to him.

"Right, why would anyone?" Izaya turned around, walking away without another word. To Shinra, it was another failed attempt with promises of next time. For Izaya, it was a dodged bullet— more like it was already lodged into his heart, but he was miraculously surviving.

—

Last year, Shizuo danced for him.

Izaya didn't know the brute could ever let enough of his anger and stiffness go to do the ridiculous dancing he had done, but he supposed that with the bottle of alcohol nearby, it probably wasn't too difficult.

It wasn't on his birthday, Shizuo hadn't even figure out his birthday until a few months ago, but it was for the same occasion. On a random day, he told Izaya he was tired of never celebrating for Izaya.

Izaya sat on the couch and watched, his feet up as he draped a blanket over his legs. Shizuo had downed four bottles of vodka or something like that, he wasn't too sure. He just knew Shizuo was just feeling tipsy, and Izaya wasn't feeling too strong after his own second glass. He didn't like the taste, but Shizuo insisted. What was life without a few risks?

Shizuo had started off awkward. Eventually, he moved well enough to drag Izaya off the couch. Izaya wasn't a fool; he knew there was something wrong with Shizuo's mind. Who would willingly put themselves in the same room as Izaya Orihara?

Apparently, the answer was simple. A blond brute who wouldn't fall blind to any of his manipulation tactics. It was why Shizuo believed it would work. It was why he let himself fall into Shizuo's steps, laughing as he stepped on the other's toes.

At that moment, he realized that maybe, whatever was going on between them, would actually build itself into something. Maybe it already had. Maybe that was the warmth Izaya felt in his heart.

—

Izaya spent the rest of his day walking. It was now night; the sun had set and the moon rose, the stars illuminated the sky. Yet, he still hadn't gotten a text from Shizuo. There were only three hours until midnight, so he assumed Shizuo would be calling or texting him soon enough.

His mind drifted to dangerous thoughts. Did birthdays really have more meaning behind them than he thought? Was he really wrong about all of this?

He thought about the movies. He thought about his classmates. He thought about Shizuo. Whenever there was a birthday, there was a smile. Was Izaya capable of such a thing? He didn't know the answer himself, but he didn't think it was impossible. Shizuo had given him hope of what seemed so ludicrous and absurd; maybe he was able to overcome his love for his humans and love one over the other.

Maybe it was because he was distracted. Maybe it was because he had suddenly stopped walking, staring off into nothing. Maybe it was because he let his guard down as he thought about his defences breaking. The reason probably wasn't important. It was what had managed to happen while he wasn't paying attention.

Any of those reasons were plausible for two figures approaching him. Izaya had realized too late, his hands in his pocket to reach for his knife, but one of the figures instantly shoved a cloth onto his face. Without missing a beat and with no hesitation, he pulled out his hand, but it was all futile. The other figure managed to catch his hands, the knife falling to the ground. He felt the world spin. In his final conscious moments, the last thing he thought about was the buzz in his pockets, a text most likely.

—

Shizuo finished taping on the last balloon. His eyes skimmed the apartment, smiling at his work. He wanted Izaya to remember this. He wanted this to be important enough for him to never forget this night. Izaya may have been a terrible flea, but behind all that, he was really just a coward, one that just didn't know how to deal with things. Shizuo understood in a way; he couldn't deal with his anger.

Shizuo flopped into the couch, checking the time on his phone as he realized he had taken all day to simply decorate an apartment and to bake a cake. The cake took a few tries, so it might've been because of that, but it was difficult to make something bitter out of what was supposed to be sweet.

He texted Izaya that he could come home now. So much had changed within a few years, and he didn't think it would be any different for the next few. He hoped so, anyway.

It was unbelievable to him that Izaya had never had a birthday before. Hand in his pocket, he pulled out a black box, opening it as he admired the shine. He really wanted Izaya to know what it felt like to have this kind of attention on his birthday. He wanted Izaya to know just how he felt about him.

With a smile, he closed the black, velvet box, placing it back into his pocket.

—

When he came to, Izaya was blindfolded. He was tempted to make some kind of remark, one that would surely get him in trouble, but he didn't. He stayed silent as he tried listening for footsteps, for someone's breaths— anything.

"I heard the shift in your breathing, I know you're awake."

His breath hitched at the voice, his eyes widened behind the black cloth covering his vision. There was no point in a blindfold. He knew exactly who it was.

"It's not nice to kidnap someone," he commented, keeping the teasing out of his voice for now. "You could've injured me, and then where would that have left you?"

The blindfold was ripped off, and he clenched his fists to keep himself from making any sounds of displease. He glared up at the brunet.

"I don't think Shizu-chan would like you doing this, Kasuka," Izaya taunted, his voice laced with some amusement along with a tiny bit of anger.

Kasuka did a gesture with his hands before one of his men stepped forward, kicking Izaya in the stomach. Izaya fell back, lying against the cement floor as shivers went up his spine.

"It's best you stay quiet."

"What do you think Shizu-chan's going to say, hm?" His stomach was kicked again, and he felt some blood leak out his mouth as he coughed. "I— I don't think he's—"

"He's not going to know," Kasuka finally said. Although his voice was monotone, Izaya could see the hatred in his eyes. "You fell off a building. If you don't like that story, they could dig you out of Tokyo Bay instead."

Izaya gave him a bloody smile. "Those sound so mediocre and cliché. I've always wanted to go out with a—"

He groaned, unable to suppress the sound when one of the men stepped on his legs harshly. He could feel some sort of crack. It might've been breaking, it might not have been; it didn't matter.

"Why now?" Izaya inquired, his dazed eyes trying to focus on the figure in front of him. "It's been years. Why take me out when Shizuo's already—"

"You're insignificant," he answered. "I didn't think you would be around for so long."

"What, you couldn't stand the thought of him actually loving me?" Kasuka said nothing as the man beating him picked him up by his neck, forcing him to look up at Kasuka. "Didn't take you for the jealous type. Crazy what you—you learn about someone."

The man holding him squeezed his neck and he felt the air slowly leave his lungs. He laughed it off, trying to portray how unaffected he could only wish he was.

"It funny how people have to— to suffer because of the insecure, but you're probably not ready for that— for... conversation yet."

He was suddenly dropped onto the ground. He ignored the ache in his limbs, only focusing on getting the air back in his lungs.

"So, it's come to this," he whispered, his vision blurring as he tried blinking the spots away. Coughing, he stared at the red coming out. It didn't matter if Kasuka took him out or not; he was going to suffer long before he was let go.

Slowly, he turned his head up. It took all of his strength to muster a glare, but he managed to give one. Kasuka looked down, no pity or remorse in his eyes.

"Do it, I dare you. In the end, it doesn't matter who you are. He'll come for you." Izaya clenched his fists on the ground, feeling his body fall from the lack of control he had of himself.

For what was probably the first time, he saw Kasuka grin. It bothered him that Kasuka was feeling so invincible. Shizuo had to love Izaya to some degree, had to care for him in some way, but this was Kasuka. He was sure Shizuo would do something, but would he ever hurt his brother?

"Just wait until Shizu-chan gets you." Shizuo wouldn't be able to control himself. He wouldn't have a conscience screaming at him to stop. He would only see red. Izaya could only hope Shizuo would be blinded by his rage, but not enough to take his brother's life. He knew Shizuo would never be able to continue on with living if he killed his own brother. Izaya wanted Shizuo to be happy. Ignorance was bliss, so maybe it was better if Shizuo just never found out.

"You'll regret it a thousand times over."

Kasuka stepped forward, his hand raised as the sound of guns cocking filled his ears. He could practically feel them being pointed at him. Closing his eyes, he let whatever was going to happen, happen. There wasn't anything he could do.

For a brief moment, he thought about his birthday, of his birthday last year and years before, and how he was stabbed on one of them. Was this the point of birthdays? Were people just wanting to suffer?

Did they celebrate because they were closer to death? Maybe they did, maybe they didn't; Izaya just couldn't see the happiness in such a wretched day.

He opened his eyes one last time, hating that he could see Shizuo behind Kasuka's eyes. At least he was with the blond, in a way.

And then there was a shot in the air.

**Author's Note:**

> happy birthday to my all time favourite character!! <3 the anime really did him dirty but its okay izaya, you are not your misfortunes.


End file.
